|
|
Blogging on a cell phone is difficult.
That
said, I now officially hate the elderly. When the fuck did they become
such whiney bitches? I cutem some slack when I can, but lately they've
been getting to be damn near emo in nature. "Why do i have to pay for
parking? Im 86." i get asked questions like this all day. I would like
to just say that unless they personally punched Hitler in the taint
they have to pay. But no I have to be polite. I think the only people
im supposed to let park for free are the pope, dying presidents, and
Abe Vigoda. And after what Abe did to Michael...
I don't see that happening.
(yes its a movie reference)
observations and questions.
I've noticed that the pope has attractive stewardesses (stewardessi?) on his plane (Air Guilt One).
um...why?
Fuck the following things/people
Scarface
If one more person tries to convince me that scarface is the
epitome of film greatness im ripping out vital organs/ovaries
Bob Marley
I cannot stand reggae. I do not care what he stood
for. If i get one more ganja smelling mother fucker telling me to
listen to him I will find a way to legalize pot but i'll also make it
so it shrinks your dick. the same goes for dillan and his folksy
muttering ass.
chugga chugga
White people. I Implore you, please stop being such douches. We get it
you like mma. That doesnt mean you have to deck out your truck in
tapout stickers. Going out to a club or a bar means you cant wear a
tight black hurley t shirt and a nice pair of flip flops and say youre
ready. And no more metal. Every new song i hear on the radio has the
same chugga chugga riff. And ive seen you white people rock out in true
white trash fashion to anything where the power cord to testosterone
ratio exceeds 32. (testy crappy lyrics add 7.8 to the total). And
grow some hair. You fuckers look like nazis who got lost at a Spencers.
more later
| | |
|
Truths about us Hispanics
1) Can we really fit 10 people into a Honda Accord? Hell yes.
2) Do we eat every part of the animal in our tacos? Good God yes.
3) Does all Mexican music involve a tuba? Yep.
4) How many children does the average Hispanic couple have? 8
5) Why do we rent one room for 6 people but manage to afford this year's biggest SUV/Pickup?
No fucking clue
6) Beer or Cerveza? Cerveza
7) Why do our trucks always have giant wolf eyes or the Aztec dude, or some sort of giant cat?
Because wolves are rad. Aztec dude is our version of Superman, and Giant cats represent virility or some shit.
On Poopin'
I hate poopin around people. I don't mean dropping a deuce in the middle of a crowded room or something. But I can manage to hold my waste for days if I have to. I do not know where this will power but if I can't find a toilet in another country I will smuggle my crap back into US soil. but that is beside the point. I cannot drop the kids off at the pool if I even suspect that someone in the next room can hear me. And in all my ninjaness I cannot drop a stealth deuce. It is not possible. So yeah there really is no point to this other than to use the next sentance. I will not wage scatalogical warfare against my porcelain rival if I think someone can hear me.
Yeah I went with toilet humor but fuck it it's my blog.
Stellastarr
Saw Stellastarr. Rocked out. Sans my cock out. (The latter was more of a formality since I was in public). Must see them again. My companion for the show helped make the show quite spectacular as rocking out is not as creepy if you have someone there to make you realize when to stop. (Which is never). Also L.A. traffic is mother fucking evil. It was planned by Lucifer himself to drive people to madness. And I am positive that one of the rings of hell involves trying to change lanes in LA at 5:30.
New Job
I am a meter maid. The correct term is parking enforcement associate. But I am the guy giving out tickets. I have been given authority. I have control. From the lowliest jackass to the douchiest lawyer, my tickets can ruin anyone's day. The highlight of my day is giving people the nicest smile as I tuck that ticket into their windshield wiper. I need not take shit from a supervisor as they encourage not taking shit from customers. I see this going well. I also look spiffy in a blue polo.
I like my new job.
Mogwai
R U Still In 2 It
nuff said
| | |
| 
Inside jokes make me happy | | |
| Converse
What the fuck is up with the commercials? Specifically the one with no sound just the wall of text bitching about watching tv. Which is funny because well, lets face it you're advertising ON FUCKING TELEVISION. Perhaps a giant billboard or some viral campaign may have been more effective? That's like preaching on adultery in a strip club while getting a lap dance. Though I guess that's the whole point of the campaign. Either way it's pretty fucking creepy having a commercial with no sound play on your tv at 3AM. You simply expect something to jump the fuck out. I need to start listening to music to fall asleep instead of relying on the tv noises. Picture of the day
That is a tree growing among a pile of rotting books.
A mother-fucking tree.
Current Favorites:
Certain songs have had me in somewhat of a hold these last few weeks. I really don't function without hearing these songs at least once a day. They are as follows.
1) Videotape - Radiohead
2) Bonafide Lovin' - Chromeo
3) The Show Must Go On - Queen
4) Starálfur - Sigur Ros
5) Cherry Blossom Girl - Air
6) Zombie - The Cranberries
7) Wish List - Jets to Brazil
8) Knives Out - The Flaming Lips (cover)
The next few months should be interesting.
Not for you guys. Well maybe one of you, but yeah. the rest of you? Not so much /cue "eye of the tiger"
| | |
|
